5 Spiritual Lessons for Highly Sensitive People

And for ‘normal’ people too.

“There must be something wrong with me.”

“Why am I so different from all those around me?”

“How is it that I am not normal?”

Being an emotional, masculine identified cis-gender person, I had references from my environment that being emotional, shy, and reserved about the rich inner world is a flaw. I spent most day wondering why my human experiences were so different from others. I did not have an outlet to make sense about it. Any experiences that did not fit the consensual worldview was considered my own delusions despite having direct experiences that are undeniable. I was constantly shrugged off and was teased at which made me very angry about who and how I was in the world. Being a smart kid who wants to survive and longed to feel accepted and love, I hid. I hid into a chameleon who knows what other wants to hear, see, and felt and spent all my time, energy, and attention building a persona that I know would not only be socially acceptable but revered as the golden child.

Along the journey, I had forgotten what and who my true nature was and spent the many years since 16 years of age, deconditioning falsehoods and unlearn many things I was taught, growing up.

Consider this, imagine that you are the only one in the world who knows about the truth of the world and the others don’t — Who is the crazy one?

You? Or the World? Being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) (click here to take the Test) who did not understand our own experiences can be very traumatic. The feeling of alienation and deepened self-doubt are unimaginably painful that we feel that our authentic expression are not needed in the world. When our authentic experiences are invalidated, we can feel we are not worthy to be alive. Hence, the constant need to gain approval and love from others.

It does not matter if you are HSP or you are not. Being sensitive is a spectrum. In fact, being sensitive is being completely normal human. That is our true nature. We live in the world of broken references about what is normal and what is not. We limit and exclude any experiences of the human experiences that we do not understand. We are fed with highly addictive food, stimulated with highly addictive mental entertainments, and prescribed with numbing drugs that removes our ability to sense pain which removes our ability to sense pleasure too, or any sensation in that regards. There is no wonder we lose ability to sense at all. Now, who is crazy?

The path of spirituality is to open up the subtle senses of our human experiences — this means honoring and acknowledging our sensitivities. No wonder, when you step into spirituality, that is the beginning of hell because you have to re-experience those painful, fearful, and stressful memories that were numbed off and swept away under the rug. Most of us step into spirituality because we can no longer deny the pain that is present in our lives. Yet spirituality does not promise us bliss right away but the need to be in constant practice to peel the layers away so we can recover our natural senses and work on our subtle senses. Bliss has never been separated from us, it is our subtle senses that had been closed off, thus the inability to be connected to the Bliss that is and had always been here.

This is why spirituality is so attractive to HSPs but it is also true that many of us had misunderstand why do we even begin this path. Spirituality is not going to take your pain away and make you feel normal again. Spirituality is not going to remove this ‘curse’ of feeling overwhelmed all the time; instead, it will show you that it is a blessing. Spirituality is not your ticket away from your physical body; it is the ticket into your body and discover the divinity within you.

So let me define spirituality, which is connected to the Three Jewels of Buddhism :

• Dharma: a path self-realization of one’s true nature and then the self-actualization of that potential;
• Buddha*: discovering mystical experiences when we open our subtle senses, that this is a completely normal human experience (it doesn’t make you special or anyone lesser than you);
• Sangha: a sense of interconnectedness through community and religion** (organized group to discover spirituality).

*This related to the Mentor Spirit. The mystical experiences that you have in life is your teacher. There is Buddha nature within each and every sentient beings.

**I understand the word ‘religion’ brings up a lot of triggers for all the indoctrination that religion has done to us. The context here simply means that religion is the camaraderie that we share, the people who are walking the same path as us and how we are all interconnected.

The first time I discovered Elaine N. Aron’s book about Highly Sensitive Person in my teens, I started realizing that, maybe I was not crazy after all. It became an invitation to enter the doorway to discover the truth of who I am. The path of spirituality began before I knew what ‘spirituality’ was.

Here are a few spiritual lessons that I had to learn and master along the way:

1. “I am responsible for everybody’s feelings and experiences”.

We are and we are not. As a HSP, I found that it was easy for me to feel what other people feel. Being empathic and experience people’s feelings as my own was as easy as my five physical senses — sight, hearing, smell, touch, taste. There are moments when we cannot differentiate our own feelings and the feelings of others. There are boundaries we would like to draw but at the same time, the interconnectedness are just so imbedded in our experiences that no matter how many ‘boundaries’ we drew, it was almost impossible. We start overanalyze which is ours and which is theirs.

No Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent

— Eleanor Roosevelt

So here is what we are here to learn — everything and anything that is beyond our sphere of control is not to be controlled; vice versa, everything and anything that is within our sphere of control is our response-ability. This means we are only responsible for the experiences of our feelings and emotions that we are directly experiencing. This includes all the feelings and emotions that you have received from your environment. A good tip here is “Observe, don’t Absorb.” To observe is to create awareness. Energy follows where your awareness goes. So, observe with love and gratitude for all experiences that you have — whatever experiences that show up will come to place of love and gratitude eventually. Next, we are to surrender all control to fix, help, mend, change the experiences of others to fit a certain expectations because that is not within your sphere of control. This becomes extremely difficult family members. Start practicing!

2. Pay Loving Attention to Your Body (Nervous System).

We need to train our nervous system and energetic systems in our body. I learned this the hard way through my body’s state of disease and dysfunction. As HSPs, we are sensitive to stress and changes that happen within our environment. Today, research have found that emotional stress is a major contributor to many diseases and deaths in the world. HSPs are more susceptible because we have a more ‘sensitive’ nervous system. My personal experience of chronic atopic dermatitis which is an autoimmune dysfunction, showed me that emotions and my body’s state of wellbeing are interconnected. The body and the mind are interconnected. Your mind and the mind of others are interconnected. Our nervous systems can mirror each other.

Even though stress is what is contributing to our state of disease, it is not ‘stress’ that we should be working to get rid of, minimize, balance, or control. Our body, mind, and spirit in unison, have natural resiliency to turn stress into growth. Instead of a post traumatic stress disorder, it can be turned into post traumatic growth. Stress is the necessity for growth and more importantly, spiritual growth. Yes, because we have HSP’s traits, we feel deeper than skin deep. When we are in pain, the pain is likely to be very vivid. When we are in love, the love is likely to be as vivid. Let go of your resentment about your body’s nervous system. Instead, train it like going to a gym. Practices of mindfulness, meditation, yoga, journaling, visualization, affirmation, being around nature helps us to integrate emotional and nervous stress. It is not about de-stressing, it is about integrating the stress into new resiliency. The key is here is to go into the stress and through the stress with love and gratitude, rather than removing or avoiding the stress. Stimulating the vagus nerve and parasympathetic nervous system helps!

3. Expand your Sense of ‘self’ into the Interconnected ‘Self’.

I am another you. You are another me. Perhaps the concept of self is more than what is limited to our bodies. What is mine and what is yours are blurred. Like the mycelium network under the trees, trees can communicate and connect to each other from a distance. Even though each and every tree has an individual space as an individual tree, they as well have a collective connection and network between each other. Even though the chain may be separate in the obvious, deep down we are all interconnected. We have a complex symbiotic relationship with one another and our consciousness is ‘invisible’ thread that connects us all, just like the mycelium network. Perhaps our nervous system are more interconnected than we think that is separate. According to Dan Siegel who studies the concept of ‘interpersonal neurobiology’, the mind exists between us and within us.

As a HSP, we are learning not to deny each other and discover empathic connection with one another. There is no ‘boundary’ to set up eventually. However, before we arrive at that stage, we do need a healthy and resilient nervous system that can reset, integrate, and bring discord energetic stress into growth. Check out this article that I wrote about the art of authenticity as the stages of owning our sensitivity is very similar. In summary,

• Phase 1: Know Thyself — know what your needs and accept your unique experiences
• Phase 2: Protect your Authenticity/Sensitivity
• Phase 3: Expand your Authenticity/Sensitivity Comfort Zone
• Phase 4: Being Authentic in Self Through Others (Ubuntu — Embracing the Interconnected Self)

Leaning back to the second point, the more resilient your nervous system is, the quicker you integrate emotional and energetic stress. You become an empowered and empathic being.

4. Own Your Unique Experiences

There is nothing wrong with you — you are not cursed, blessed, broken, or special. Yes, our experiences are unique from individual to individual and we all fall in the spectrum of sensitivity. This creates diverse experiences of the human experience that the universe seeks to experience through and as us. There is no need for us to be more sensitive or less sensitive but simply embracing the sensitivity of our present human experience. We are not here to add something or subtract anything away from who we are but simply unfold the potential that is living within us like a flower blossoming. Denial or rejection of our unique experiences further frustrates us and we ended up as victims of our own sensitivity.

For years I was convinced that there is no place in this world for me. I was sensitive to all kinds of food, people and emotions, electromagnetic frequencies — 3G,4G,5G, chemicals, allergens and etc. I may as well be a ‘Bubble Boy’ who does not life his life just to protect himself from these stimulations. This made me reject the world and Life altogether and felt chronically disconnected from everyone. I genuinely felt special and felt that I deserved special treatment for having such ‘disability’. Yes, I was at the extreme end of a spectrum for sensitivities but I also made a victim out of myself because of the sensitivity. When we do not own our experiences, the experiences owns us. Radical acceptance is the first step and the next step is to simply integrate the stimulations with a unique lifestyle that each and everyone of us need. What we need is different from individual to individual. Know yourself enough to find out what you need, to allow your nervous system to integrate. Eventually we will be resilient enough, to receive more stimulation without getting overwhelmed.

I’ll share what I need : personal resting space, consistent movement of the body, kundalini yoga, fresh organic produce, clean water and air, lots of sunlight, meditation, quietness, soft music, spiritually connected communities, deep sleep, journaling etc. Discover what your needs are and communicate those needs! Also, make sure to have them for yourself.

5. Understanding the Power of Our Mind

Our mind is a double-edged sword. Our thoughts creates our reality. Our perception is colored by the beliefs and conditioning that we hold on. We tend to hold these beliefs and conditioning to be absolute, no matter how ridiculous they may sound. Very often, the reason we hold onto these limiting worldview are because they keep us safe and emotionally familiar. Believing is seeing. We may receive similar stress stimulus in the same environment but having different subjective responses and experiences. This can also mean that we become the creators of our reality as we start to adopt a lens — how we see the world, a filter — how we understand the world, and a magnetic attractor field — how we attract/create circumstances, people, and situations in to our lives according to a particular belief. Often, they become self-fulfilling prophecies because such worldview is interwoven to our actions that produces a causal outcome.

This intensifies if we are identified as a HSP. The reason to this is because our subtle senses are more activated and our nervous system is more fine tuned. I felt HSPs have a sophisticated nervous system that we do not understand. It is like being in a Ferrari and we do not even know how to drive it. HSPs are highly intelligent people because their abilities to observe the finest and minute details. Some remember memories, learning, nuances more deeply which can lead to photographic memories and the ability to just learn things quickly. Dexterous, skillful, deep concentration as well as a certain level of obsession is pretty natural for a HSP. Some, can see, feel, hear, sense subtle energies which makes them excellent healers, therapists and counselors. This makes these people extremely conscious and aware of their surroundings, within and around them. At the same time, these gifts can turn into curses if they have no idea how to manage the wellbeing of their minds. As easy it is for us to manifest abundance and positivity into our lives, it is also as easy for us to manifest the unattended, dissociated, and repressed emotions within us into reality as crises. Instead of victimizing us, these crises are not problems but portals of transformation with the purpose of waking us up to the next best version of who we are for consciousness evolution.

One thing that I learn as a HSP is to understand that the world around me is not broken but it was the limiting worldview that I carried with me that was broken. That limiting worldview served a purpose and an emotional protection but ended up turning against me by showing up as a incurable disease. When I understood the power of mind and shift my limiting beliefs and conditioning accordingly, what was and felt impossible to heal turned into a miraculous healing. I received this understanding when I discovered, experienced, learned and certified to practice the LifeLine Technique that was founded and created by Dr. Darren Weissman. Check out the LifeLine Technique to learn how to turn your Mind’s Power into Potent Medicine.

If you are looking to receive insights and clarity about how you can befriend, empower, and embrace your sensitivities and your personal spiritual journey, send a message to me and let’s set up a conversation to discover an insight that could potentially change the way you look at yourself and your life forever.

I am an Insights Empowerment Coach, Evolutionary Astrologer, Certified LifeLine Practitioner, dynamic Movement practitioner, podcast host, writer, and simply human. I am an agent of transformation in the holistic development of human potential. I engage in authentic conversations one heart at a time to co-create life-transforming insights to actualize your highest creative potential. I can be found on Instagram @chironyeng or Facebook @chironyengcoaching.