5 Things In Life You Cannot Control and 5 Ways You Can Be in Control
So you are telling me that are things in life that I cannot control and then there are ways that I can be in control?
“Everyone believes the world’s greatest lie…” says the mysterious old man.
“What is the world’s greatest lie?” the little boy asks.
The old man replies, “It’s this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie.”— The Alchemist , Paulo Cuelho
Yes, you cannot control the waves of the ocean, but you can learn to surf with the wave towards the path of least resistance. We cannot control how life turn out to be but we always have a choice when it comes to how we experience the situation. The path of mastery in living a fulfilling Life is learning not just to adapt to the elements of nature passively but creatively adopting these elements as forces to transform our consciousness.
In simpler words, how do you struggle efficiently and rest deeply in Life? How can we proactive agents of Life in the face of elements and forces that are larger than us?
Here are 5 things in Life you cannot control and 5 ways you can be in control:
1. Your Heart’s Greatest Desire
The first thing you cannot control in Life is your heart’s greatest desire. There is a certain intelligence within you that seeks to express and experience its greatest potential. A part of us will never stop seeking for more. We have misunderstood this desire as some form of craving or addiction. This is a misperception. The consequence of this misperception is we are infinitely chasing to fill the black hole within us, in a world with finite resources. Hence, we are constantly frustrated and chronically hustling for such fulfillment by controlling these finite resources.
“Well, then, why should I listen to my heart?”
“Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you’re thinking about life and about the world.”
- The Alchemist, Paulo Cuelho
To be in control of your heart is to listen to your heart. This includes all the fear, anxiety, hurt, that is buried within. Underneath all these experiences lies an essence that is already whole. We have to reconnect to the essence of who we are. There is nothing to add or nothing to remove when it comes to becoming who we are. Becoming who we are is all about expressing what is already present to begin with. Like a seed turning into a tree that bears fruits.
To begin, connect to the simple experiences of what makes us feel alive and inspired. This is our heart’s greatest desire: to be simply and fully alive. Bliss is feelings fully felt. What we are looking for is not outside of us but within us.
2. Birth, Aging, Sickness, and Death
The Buddha set off into the world leaving his possessions, status, and power. He left all of those things behind with the desire to answer the existential issue of suffering. He discovered four things that we inevitably are unable to control for as long as we are sentient beings. It is birth, aging, sickness and death.
These are forces of nature to be recognized and to be acknowledged. All sentient beings go through this circle of Life. Yet, we can find in our human neurosis that we try to avoid, fix, get rid of all these elements of nature as much as we can. The more we cave in to this neurosis, the more we suffer.
“The meanings of life aren’t inherited. What is inherited is the mandate to make meanings of life by how we live. The endings of life give life’s meanings a chance to show. The beginning of the end of our order, our way, is now in view. This isn’t punishment, any more than dying is a punishment for being born.”
― The Meaning of Death, Stephen Jenkinson
To be in control of this is radically accept the laws of nature and to live fully in the present moment. As humans, we are here to make meanings in Life. Our only purpose is to be fully who we are while we are alive. And as creators, we make meaning out of it. We must constantly remember that change is the only constant of life and that the force impermanence pervades us all. This is an invitation rather than a punishment. The invitation is to live fully and appreciate all the wonder and beauty around it. The most beautiful things in Life, cannot be grasped or be controlled. So, celebrate it. Every gestures you make for this world is an offering to the world.
3. Pain, Fear, and Stress
We are hardwired for survival. Most of the time, the stress we internalized is not completely processed or integrated. Hence, we start to create dysfunctional habits and behaviors in our Life that gives us temporarily relief in exchange for long term destructive consequences. Pain, fear, and stress are often seen as negative experiences of being human, but they are actually very neutral experiences for the very purpose of protection and survival. When we try to avoid, control or get rid of pain, fear, and stress, the more dysfunctions we create.
Our human system is a resilient system that is designed to heal, regenerate, and be whole. It has the full capacity to process pain, fear, and stress into completion. When that is done, we come back to homeostasis. In addition, we can build resiliency in our human system. We can process these experiences of life at a quicker pace, hold greater intensity of Life, anddevelop skillful and creative means to brace through seemingly impossible human limitations. Pain, fear, and stress are not our enemy but elements of life that we can use to catalyze our growth and transformation given the right dosage.
There are many healing modalities right now that does this. One of them is the LifeLine Technique that shifts the experience of pain, fear, and stress into actualizing the greatest version of You.
4. How Love Is Given To You
How often do we experience that the love we seek from others tends to fall short from our expectations? You cannot control how love is given to you. This is why being on the receiving end feels more vulnerable than being on the giving end. In addition, we struggle to draw boundaries, request for our needs, and speak our truth when it comes to love. Are we truly loving? Or are we seeking approval, acknowledgement, and attention from others?
What we are really seeking is the love that we are giving to ourselves. We are struggling to communicate love with others because we are not giving that approval, acknowledgement, and attention to ourselves. This is always something readily available. When we can love ourselves fully and unapologetically for our flaws and imperfections as well as celebrating what is great about us, the love given to us tends to feel exactly what we have expected. Why? Because by now we already know how to communicate love with others.
5. Outcome of Your Life
How often in any personal development courses, books, or workshops we are told to change ourselves? How can you change yourself when the environments’ influences are so strong? We tend to go at it by sheer will and determination which leads to burnout. The hustle culture we live in promises great outcome, the more we do. However, that is not always the case. Life starts to feel not fair and we become victims of Life.
The outcome of Life is not in our control to begin with. Never was, never will. However, we can create conducive conditions and environment so that the outcome we are going after, yields in the most favorable way. The best analogy to explain this is to be a farmer or a gardener. You can prepare the soil, sow the seed, create irrigation, manuring, weeding and do your best to cultivate your the best conditions for your plants to grow, but you can never control how your plants grow and how the fruits yield.
In our modern life, it is all about creating opportunities so that we are most likely to succeed. When you create something whether it is an artwork, a business, a relationship, an organization, you eventually have to give enough space for this creation to bloom. Overdoing spoils the crops too.
So, stop changing yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Start creating the conducive environment for you to rest deeply and work efficiently. Here is my top 10 list:
- Drinking clean water first thing in the morning.
- Turn off all notifications and wifi 2 hours before sleep.
- Use any form of gadgets to help to activate the right work zone, and sleep zone. Endel is one of the best app I have used.
- Move the body, engage in resistance training, come into stillness daily.
- Have a gratitude journal. Engage in the Lifeline Technique. Practice saying “Infinite Love and Gratitude”. Here is why gratitude practice is powerful.
- Connect to Nature as much as possible. Revere the wonder of Life.
- Cold and hot therapy. Far Infrared Sauna and Ice baths work wonders for active recovery.
- Healthy social interaction. Seek out help, support and assistance when I am stuck. No human is an island.
- Eat wholesome food. You become what you eat.
- Conscious deep breaths.
Now, you go.
How do best prepare your body, mind, and spirit to meet with the stressors of Life and find joy in every adventure behind them?
I am Chiron Yeng, your Human Potential Coach.
I guide purpose-driven entrepreneurs, creators, and healers who are suffering with burnout, overwhelming stress, and imbalanced lifestyle. My journey of self-healing led me to create a signature system, LifeQuest. Using certifications in Evolutionary Astrology, Nature Connected Coaching, the LifeLine Technique, I support people from all around the world to achieve personal, professional, and spiritual fulfillment.
My work helped people to thrive in their health and energy, tapped into greater creativity, and prospered in their passion and career while enjoying the simple pleasures of Life. I believe when humanity starts to do so, the world becomes an enlightened and prosperous place.
For free coaching resources, schedule sessions with me, and more information, visit:
