Forgiveness and the Liberation of Truth
There was a powerful turning point in my healing journey that provided me an emancipation that I was not able to find from books, workshops, and coaching/therapy sessions. It was forgiveness and the liberation of the Truth, a human experience that has to be experienced rather than to be understood conceptually.
Dark Night of the Soul
Having a history of autoimmune skin disorder, my body flared up with severe skin inflammation for the umpteen time in 2020 which led my mind to be overwhelmed with analysis paralysis. It was not too far away that my spirit broke apart into a downward spiral of doubt and depression. I feared that I had to go back to medication when it is the very thing that got me here. I learned that my condition was iatrogenic — illness caused by medical treatments. This stirred greater anger and resentment within for the injustice that was inflicted upon me.
These powerful emotions fueled my judgment and self-righteousness. A year living with my parents, after returning from living abroad for 10 years was a shit show for my inner child. Every little thing triggered me. I was always correcting them — showing off my superiority about what I knew about living healthily and mindfully. And I knew deep down, a part of me was still blaming them for being uninformed parents who trusted medical doctors and pharmaceutical drugs blindly. Next, shame arose because I was taught that I should be powerful enough to be a financially self-sustaining adult and civil enough to fulfill my filial-piety duties.
“God Forsaken, I am 30!” I quietly judged myself.
When our storytelling and meaning making of our lives no longer adequately matches up to our current life experiences, our world collapses. Expectations does not meet reality anymore. Most of us perpetuate the comfort of ignorance. The universe starts with little signs of change and eventually it becomes too loud for us to ignore.
My intuition knew my world did not match what is actually true in the world. I needed answers and a fresh look of the world desperately. No matter what I did, I was stuck in the same loop of fear, doubt and anxiety. Rushing to change was no better than ignorance. Healing cannot be rushed.
Light at the End of the Tunnel
One day, I called out for divine intervention and humbled myself, “I don’t know. I had enough. I am at the mercy of greater elements of life that I am ignorant about. Please show me the light.”
At this point darkness enveloped me and my mind was showing me suicidal options. I knew I was at the bottom of the downward spiral and I knew the energy had nowhere to go but up. At the darkest point of the universe, we will find light. Just like at the end of the suffering tunnel, there is an opening where light shines through.
I am someone who experience difficulty crying physiologically. Perhaps I was accustomed and conditioned by social standards and expectations of what a powerful male standards looked like. In the moment of calling out for divine intervention, I was listening to the Heart Sutra. It was not shortly after the angsty call of desperation, I cried, pouring buckets of water out of my eyes. I felt the release of the dam, and finally life force was able to travel through my body and I knew, healing had finally came through. I wailed and sobbed so loud that I was surprised no one came to my aid — everyone was not home. In that aloneness of weeping toxins and toxic emotions out of my body, I woke up to the realization that I could have the best treatments and healing processes in the world and none of those were matter if I was not willing to forgive and surrender self-righteousness into humility.
In my cry for forgiveness and gratitude to receive such awakening, I was emancipated.
Emancipation into Infinite Possibilities
What follows after that emancipation are series of synchronicity and ordinary miracles. My heart was fully open for infinite possibilities. I met the right people, receive the right supplements, and conditions at home shifted. My condition recovered in 3 months after 15 years of trying out alternative therapies and healing and autoimmune skin disorder had never reoccured ever since.
Today, I thrive and perform better than ever in all areas of my life. I now lead purpose-driven leaders to set forth on the journey of deep healing to transform their passion into Vibrant Aliveness and manifest their true human potential.
Treasure of My Hero’s Journey
I did not stop searching after my recovery. I needed to know what actually created healing for me. Why was I given divine guidance and instant transformation when previously all source of inspiration or healing potential was null?
One thing that I have discover that forever impacted the way I experience Life: We don’t perceive the Truth, but the subjective interpretation, assumption, narrative of our experiences.
For example, if we are in the same ‘car accident’, we may have the same stressors but how we experience the stressors may be different. One of us may return driving in the road as normal and one of us may return driving in the road experiencing emotional distress.
Many of us who may still experience the emotional distress from the ‘car accident’ will choose to have the comfort of ignorance. We repress it, deny it, avoid it, and create many different coping mechanisms to prevent ourselves from feeling those hurtful feelings. After a long time, we soon forget about the ‘car accident’ as it mutates into something else altogether and we could not locate the original emotional distress.
“The attempt to escape from pain, is what creates more pain.”
― Gabor Maté
This is where forgiveness comes in. Forgiveness is compassion that is love in action. Compassion gives us the safe container to witness the emotional distress as it is and open an opportunity to forgive all parties involved in the hurt including ourselves. Forgiveness has nothing about being sorry but the courage to recognize the Truth of the hurtful human experience.
“You will know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.”
When Truth is experienced, recognized, and acknowledged, emotions which are energy in motion transformed into its original nature that is Love, healing energy and life force. Addiction that was incinerating our lives becomes Passion, a divine spark of our souls. The way we experience it is vibrancy of being fully alive. Bliss is an experience where all feelings are fully felt.
“The difference between passion and addiction is that between a divine spark and a flame that incinerates.”
― Gabor Maté
So here is the treasure, the Four Golden Reminders to live by:
- Only the Truth shall set you free into infinite possibilities.
- Truth exists only in the present moment.
- Judgment and Assumptions are attitudes of self-righteousness that takes you away from the present moment, thus, the Truth.
- Awareness is how we arive in the present moment. All it takes is willingness to feel fully what is in the present.
The Invitation
Here is an invitation — where within your human experience need to be witnessed and be fully felt? Reflect through moments of limitations and scarcity. That is where our emotions and energy are resisting.
We are all healing from something and the healing journey will always be an ongoing journey. We also have to remember that we are not alone and there people like us walking on the same path — some further down the road, some earlier up the road. Do reach out to your loved ones and your trusted communities that you feel safe sharing your struggles. I can be one of them.
I am Chiron Yeng, your Human Potential Coach.
I lead transformational coaching journeys for purpose driven leaders who are experiencing burnout to evolve their passion holistically to thrive with vibrant aliveness and manifest their true creative potential. I believe when humanity starts to do so, the world becomes an enlightened and prosperous place.
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