The Art of Authenticity
‘Authority’, ‘Authenticity’, and ‘Author’ have the same word origin but hold many different meaning in the use of language today. Today, our authorities lack authenticity, authors are losing their voice of authenticity silenced by authorities, and authenticity being denied and shamed upon by society.
How can words of the same origin mean so differently today?
Here is what I found in the etymology:
mid-14c., autentik, “authoritative, duly authorized” (a sense now obsolete), from Old French autentique “authentic; canonical” (13c., Modern French authentique) and directly from Medieval Latin authenticus, from Greek authentikos “original, genuine, principal,” from authentes “one acting on one’s own authority,” from autos “self” (see auto-) + hentes “doer, being,” from PIE root *sene- (2) “to accomplish, achieve.”
So here is my definition:
To be authentic is to claim one’s sense of unadulterated expression of the Self and acting based on the responsibility to one’s own autonomy.
It shows that being authentic has a lot to do with showing up into the world with one’s core values and principles and making that as an indispensable and essential principle to one’s Life.
Alright, enough with big words and let us come back to the here and the now.
Recently, I have too many conversations about the topic “Authenticity”. People yearn to be authentic, real, and genuine yet many find it impossible because of many limiting perspective. They all refer to one message — authenticity means being frown upon for being self-centered or egoistical.
In a world where our social references are broken, authenticity is one of the greatest unmet needs. As human beings, we have needs to be authentically who we are — we have a need of being needed for who we are as we are, for our gifts, for our creative expression, and for our unique service to the world.
This is however denied, disapproved, discouraged for it is unsafe and unsupported. We ended up with wearing a broken lens about who we are and about the world. Feeling robbed of our essence, we either blame the world or internalized the anger and blame ourselves. We feel the sense of “I Am Not Enough” and started to measure the worth of our lives through broken parameters of our culture — prestige, money, relationship, spiritual superiority, knowledge, materials, performance, and etc.
I once asked myself,
Can you love yourself when you lose everything in the world? When you come down to nothing, even your very purpose and the very thing that sparked life for you disintegrated into nothing …
Can you still accept and choose to love yourself for being you, for just being alive, and receive the blessings of the life force running down through your veins?
My very immediate answer was, “No”.
And that made me very sad. I felt broken and within my brokenness I discovered an essence within me that is untouchable and undeniable — it is omnipotent.
When one experiences many challenges to one’s worldview, it often cracks this fixed reality, allowing one to open up one’s awareness to larger perspectives. When our lenses of seeing are cracked, we have the opportunity to expand. A broken worldview fosters a more awakened and resilient reality.
— Jeanine Canty, leading expert in ecopsychology
That awakened and resilient reality is Authenticity — the unadulterated expression of who I am. This makes me understand that in order to feel 100% alive for who I am, I should celebrate that authentic nature that lives within me. This is the buddha nature that lives within all sentient beings. When I can do that for myself, I can do that for others and for the world. The world isn’t broken, my lens about the world was.
So here are four phases of inviting yourself into authenticity. This is going to take time and always remember to listen to your own intuition on how you choose to progress through these phases:
Phase 1: Know thyself. What are your desires, your needs, and your bliss*?
This is the famous Ancient Greek aphorism. Most of us have no clarity about what we truly desire, what we truly need, and what makes us feel blissful. Start here. If you do not know how to help yourself, how can you even begin asking for help and receive the help that you need?
When we were all children, we knew what we want and what we did not want, what we need and what we did not need, what excited us about life and what did not. We were simply authentic with our expressions — there were clear “Yes!” and “No!”
As we grew up, we were given references of what are acceptable and what are not acceptable, what are considered ‘good’ choices and what are considered ‘bad’ choices, and what brings us ‘real’ happiness and what does not. Depending on the geographical and cultural landscape, these references differ from one another. In the process of globalization, some of these references were universalized and some references were in question. As human beings, we tend to follow the crowd. It is safe that way. Also, a need to belong is one of the most important needs of being human.
So, we are all confused here. What makes us authentic and makes us inauthentic? There is no real answer to that until you make an inward journey toward self-realization and self-actualization. Most of us need to remember to tune in to the unused muscle memory when we were young of what gives us a full-embodied “Yes!” and full-embodied “No!”.
Here is a tip: “Anything that is not a 100% Yes, is very likely a No.” Let your heart be your guidance here. Weighing pros and cons is a never-ending process.
Check my previous article here about knowing what your bliss is.
Phase 2: Protecting your Authenticity.
Stories of personal transformation, meaningful threshold experiences, and deep inner growth is a precious human experience that needs to be treasured. Sharing these vulnerable experiences with people who cannot see what you see, appreciate what you appreciate, and acknowledge your unique experience as it is can be traumatic, unsafe, and creates disintegration. When your integration process is incomplete, it creates more discord within your personal growth, doing more harm than good.
“Not everybody deserves your authenticity.”
— Dr. Darren Weissman, founder of the LifeLine Technique.
Not everybody deserves your authenticity. This is an advice I kept at my heart. If Authenticity is the unadulterated expression of who we are as we are, then it is your raw expression of who you are. It can feel like we are naked. Do we just show off our nakedness to the world just like that?
I am sure that is a “No!” Just because you are not sharing your authentic expression to everybody does not make you inauthentic.
There is a need to be putting up boundaries with relationships who are not able to celebrate that part of you. This is necessary until you are ready to open up. It also does not mean you should just sever ties with people, especially your family members, childhood friends, and people you hold dear. Just because we don’t see eye to eye, does not mean we still cannot relate authentically despite not being able to show the totality of the unadulterated parts of who we are.
Mutual understanding and clear, direct communication is key here. Stop being a pushover or pushing everyone and everything away, and start being real and truthful. Drawing boundaries does not mean hurting yourself or others. Not drawing boundaries instead, is hurting yourself and others.
Phase 3: Expanding your Authenticity Comfort Zone
Authenticity is a muscle that we can learn to stretch, use, and eventually become masterful at it. It is a hidden art of being who you are in the world. Like any art and craft, this requires time, energy, and attention to cultivate the mastery you are looking for. Authenticity is the art of being you.
When you can consolidate and integrate your authentic sense of self, it is time to expand the authentic circle of comfort. It is best the take baby steps here as you want to lean into the razor’s edge of fear and discomfort. Fear at this point is not about protection anymore, but rather a compass or a signpost to show you that you are about to emerge into the next best version of who you are. Going back and forth this razor’s edge is crucial until you can skillfully manage the intensity of showing parts of you that are unadulterated and raw to the world without triggering the fight, flight or freeze response.
When we begin to expand our authenticity comfort zone, we can easily come out too strongly and be intensely protective of our own expression. You have done a great job protecting your authenticity but this phase requires you to let go a little, take a leap of faith, and make that jump. This is a phase where your training wheels comes off, and you have to navigate and improvise in free flow.
Being authentic does not mean you have to be intensely you, but rather it means you can relax into yourself in the presence of discomfort. You become comfortable in your own skin in places, spaces, and people that may not necessarily make you comfortable
Phase 4: Ubuntu — Being Authentic in Self through Others.
Some of you are probably wondering why do we need to expand our authenticity comfort zone. Here is why: authenticity is not just about your expression of your adulterated, raw expression of who you are, but also being able to share, experience, co-create that authentic expression with anybody. The sense of “Self” is always relational. Eventually that authenticity comfort zone will encompassed the whole world and we experience Ubuntu.
Here is what Ubuntu means:
Ubuntu can best be described as an African philosophy that places emphasis on ‘being self through others’. It is a form of humanism which can be expressed in the phrases ‘I am because of who we all are’ and ubuntu ngumuntu ngabantu in Zulu language.
‘I am because of who we all are’ — seeing the humanity within you and seeing the humanity in others. Committing to live into such essence is the true definition of Authenticity.
To truly liberate your authentic expression is to not be afraid to share your raw, unadulterated parts of you with anyone, in any situations and in any conditions. Yes, eventually we are all going to get full naked with each other because we no longer need those boundaries. Imagine a global community that feels safe in each other’s differences, being able to celebrate each other’s unique nature, and bring out the best of each other. It starts with you embodying such spirit of authenticity.
Here in this phase, we reclaim the sense of belonging that we may have once lost for the need to search and remember our own authentic nature. At this point, even if people misunderstands you, even if people were to charge at you with bigotry and prejudice, even your choices are different from others, you stand true to who you are while celebrating the humanity of others despite the differences. In fact, you will start finding yourself in others including those parts of humanity that you despise, you avoid and you suppressed. There is a deep knowing that bypasses logic and rationale that knows the common essence that we all share in our humanity.
This knowing allows you to be Authentic beyond boundaries.
If you are looking to receive insights and clarity about discovering how you can be authentic and celebrate the essence of your true nature, send a message to me and let’s set up a conversation to discover an insight that could potentially change the way you look at yourself and your life forever.
I am an agent of transformation in the holistic development of human potential by co-creating life-transforming insights through authentic conversations one person at a time. I can be found on Instagram @chironyeng or Facebook @chironyengcoaching.
